i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
