he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
