if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
