I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
