a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
