And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
