so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize