in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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