was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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