a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
