she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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