I need help removing her.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
