I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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