dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
