It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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