No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
