gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
