Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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