so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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