what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
