At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
