I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
