the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
