I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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