Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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