bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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