I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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