this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
