I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
