is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
