when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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