; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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