3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
