I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
