All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
