i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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