need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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