6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think my fart just growled at me.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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