Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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