He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
