they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
