cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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