and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
