If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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