I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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