i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
