So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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