wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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