would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
