No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
