He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize