cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize