My friends, they love my intelligence
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
