return my video game
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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