I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
