Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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