Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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