Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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