You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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