My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
