if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All the doctor said was why
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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