Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
