I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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