Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
