i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
