I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I lost the right to judge tonight
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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