Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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